Belonging

“You only are free when you realise you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” — Maya Angelou

I read Brené Brown’s book about ‘belonging’ at the beginning of this year, at the very start of my healing journey. It took me a while to fully grasp that we are all searching for the same things: to be accepted, listened to, and seen. This realisation came long after I finished the book, but it was one of the triggers that led me to dive deeper and search for what I had missed along the way while desperately trying to ‘fit in.’ I wanted to please others, be accepted into the ‘circle’ of friends, be understood by my parents and boyfriends, and be appreciated at work.

The feeling of belonging nowhere, longing for a warm home where family and friends gather for summer raspberry picking, where the Christmas tree is just the right size, and the house is full of laughter and positive vibes, drained my energy every single day.

I didn’t realize back then that I was searching for something nonexistent, that I was fixated on adjusting the past. I was desperately trying to create a perfect environment to survive, not paying attention to what was actually happening in the present moment. I didn’t understand how my thoughts were shaping my outlook and understanding of the external world. I had no idea why I was drifting the way I was and attracting certain people into my life.

You cannot have a sense of belonging if your parents never paid attention to your life or pursued their own unmet needs through you.

Brené’s book discusses racism, segregation, societal divisions, and the lost trust in our primary caregivers, which ultimately leads to a lost trust in ourselves. This book is also about courage and how to brave the wilderness by building healthy boundaries and not being afraid to show vulnerability to truly connect with others. All of this is backed by Brown's deep research on human behaviour.

Braving the wilderness is the hardest and can hurt the most, but it’s the only path to liberation.

It takes courage and vulnerability to take that route — I hope you find that courage within yourself.

“True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to BE who you are.”